trust

Finding Hope Along the Way

/ Laurie / 2 Comments

As we prepare for the Lenten season, my heart and mind have been more grounded than ever before. I am filled with a silent peace… a hope—you will hear me use this word a great deal this year, as I have shared, it is where I find myself being led for a number of reasons.

Hope is not wishful thinking but a confident, assured expectation of God’s promises.

Romans 15:13 “May the God of hope fill you with all the joy and peace as you trust Him, so that you may overflow with hope…”

Hebrews 11:1 “Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and the assurance of what we do not see.”

Romans 5:3-5 “…we also glory in our sufferings… suffering produces perseverance, perseverance-character, character-hope. Hope does not shame…”

and of course… my Life Verse

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

So how do we cultivate hope?

Meditate on scripture; spending time in the Word allows us to grow closer to the Lord, deepens our faith, and strengthens hope.

Prayer: have a conversation with God. Honestly express your feelings to Him; trust in Him. Nothing you say is a surprise. He wants us to come to Him, whether it is crying out in anger or whispering our despair.

Wait on the Lord. Easier said than done… God’s timing? But I want/need this now. I used to hate the saying where we are told that God has three answers: yes, no, and not yet. Over the years, I have learned to understand and even relish in the waiting. But it took time.

Earlier in the week, I had a Facebook memory come up; it was a poem that I wrote 15 years ago. Transitional and ominous, as I expressed how I was finally able to let go of all the images that clung to me and the heartbreak I carried for so many years. Then this evening, at our Ash Wednesday service, we were reminded how sometimes things happen in our lives that cause us to awaken to a new perspective. How there are moments in our lives where we contemplate what road we may be walking down. Are we being guided to stray from the “safe” path, what is familiar, and what we believe we could never separate ourselves from? Or, are we willing and brave enough to respond to this contemplation and return to the Lord?

Autumn Bride

In the darkness that has covered the years,

A black cloud continues to blot out all the vibrant colors of fall.

Until now, that is, on this day.

On this day, finally, I am able to let go. (Render me, Lord.)

Allow myself to break away, to rend myself, from the hold of your memory and a broken promise.

A broken promise that not only left this dark and ominous void;

but also, built a wall.

A wall that is short, weak, and falls all too easily.

It falls when surrounded by familiar lies.

Those empty words, which are only pretending to mend the point.

Today, I realize that there is no need for a wall, no need for such protection.

I need to merely allow His arms to surround me.

To love me, to care and provide.

Only He knows my true pain, my sorrow.

Only He knows my deepest wants and desires.

To them, He says, “No.”

“Wait.”

“Trust.”

“Have faith.”

“Allow Me, to be your love.”

“Your partner, the husband of your heart.”

“I will never leave you; I will never let you fall.”

“I will protect you.”

“One day, you will know a love like that again.”

“One day, you will find comfort in human arms.”

“But for today, find comfort in Me.”

“Allow me to comfort you, love you.”

“Be My Bride.”

**I wrote this in the fall of 2011; the words in italics are new as I post this here.

Joel 2:12-13 …return to Me with all your heart… Rend your heart and not your garments. Return to the Lord your God, for He is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love…

Have you stopped on your path in life? Afraid to move forward, only wanting to turn back?

We are reminded in His word 365 times (that’s one for each day of the year, if you’re counting):

“Do not be afraid.” So I encourage you—no, I want to inspire you to keep moving forward.

Don’t let fear overwhelm you as you try to navigate this life; listen for His wee small voice and boldly move towards Him and all He has planned for you.

It only takes one step at a time, so walk along this quiet path with me. Walk with our Lord, and see what this path unfolds as we journey into this season of rendering and hope.

As the Silence Fades

/ Laurie / Leave a comment

As I sit here listening to the gentle humming of my cat’s purring I am reminded that my world has become less silent in recent weeks. Yet, is it the awakening world around me? Or my own awaking that brings such sweet sounds to my once hushed existence? Being lost in the shroud of depression – having crawled deep inside myself. Deep into the self dug pit and desperately pursuing a livelihood of attempting to conceal myself from anyone not necessary to my immediate world. Barely surfacing for air and eating even less, I was barley surviving and doing my best to simply camouflage myself amongst my day by day world; merely getting by.

But as we all know, my “getting by” was getting me nowhere and I am so grateful for that fact. I am also always and forever grateful for the mysterious way that God works in our lives, how He has worked in mine. From bringing me to Omaha almost 9 years ago, to all that I have been through in the last 2 years. My plan vs. God’s plan were once again quite different, and even with some of the recent struggles… I would ask for them again, because they are truly what strengthens us. We are reminded to “Be thankful for all of our storms, because without them, we would never know how truly strong we are.” This is indeed so very true, and I thank God each day for how strong I am, and for being with me, through each and every storm. I don’t know about you, I keep childishly wanting that straight line to the finish, and He simply knows that’s not the path… But, when I continue to trust, and to truly step out in faith, HE is there and the fruit of my efforts are more than seeds in my hands.

Seeds that are blossoming into beautiful plants that I no longer destroy. (I used to have a black thumb, but I am happy to announce I have 6 beautiful healthy plants in my home) Today there is a beautiful plant beginning to blossom where there was once was so much brokenness and a silence that was deafening.

It brings a smile to my face when I receive a morning text from my mom and we can talk about simple things each day, like Husker VB or college softball, two of the things she enjoys watching. She sent me pictures of her flower garden, each photo, each text helping to chip away at the long held silence… helping us find our way back to each other. We would talk about going for walks, and as we got comfortable texting, we could start talking too. Hearing her voice, knowing how long it has been; decades of brokenness and never the right time or way to say or speak… so it simply kept being unspoken. Until our recent tragedy reminded me that it’s never too late, and as my brother so simply stated a few months ago, “it doesn’t matter anymore.”

And he was right, I/we could hang on to all that was, or wasn’t and get caught up in the woulda/coulda, or we can simply move forward and enjoy the time we have and share the moments we are given and choose love. That’s what I choose to do moving forward, to love and to try to be a good daughter; because when I needed her most, when I needed her to protect and take care of me, she did 110%.

Then there is the beautiful blossoming that is occurring with my writing, after being quiet again, but continuing to feel that familiar pull; to hear the quiet whisper within myself, “It’s time to tell your story.” Meeting women who share my experience, my pain. Finding true healing after all these years. Finding healing again, after all the loss these past two years. Having that healing and loss lead me back to my journal, with this need to actively pour the words out of me. Often flowing like a ballad or lullaby – soothing, healing as they left my heart and soul and found their way to the paper; waiting to be fully shared with all the other broken but healing souls who they reach.

So it was with intention I took the steps that allowed myself to be vulnerable. Questions were asked and answered, and I said YES! Today I can reveal I am writing with purpose and I have a collaboration that I will be a part of and I will be reaping the rewards of trusting in Him and walking by faith and allowing songs of hope to be sung in the silence.